LOSING CONTROL... Now I'm angry... *pow pow*

I would love to go to Starbucks Pizza to mash those bloody gator heads as they come out of the machine. Man, I need one of those at work. People at work piss me off. My expectations aren't even that high and lazy co-workers (employees who do the minimum to get a paycheck without being demoted) have difficulty in accomplishing a simple task. Sometimes the excuse is, "No one trained me on it yet." You know, I never had any "training" in the military on how to take out the trash. Sometimes trial and error is the only way we can learn or "train." I can't believe these fools score the highest on the ASVAB, haven't seen combat, and still come up with excuses to NOT execute something like changing a light bulb. How do these fools get anything done when they're at home. Maybe they have a maid or leave garbage all over the floor. Actually, many of them do leave garbage all over the floor, even in the dormitory. Military slobs, how pitiful. AND in the Air Force most of us are not in the field and many are afraid to get their hands dirty. I have given 6 years of my life to obey the US Air Force, DoD, military institution. You know what that is like? And to have an undiagnosed illness for 2 years, this pain, the uncertainty, the many problems that accompany my unresolved health issue, the depression that goes along with it? You don't have a clue how pissed off I am. My anger is getting worse by the day and I don't feel I need to see a shrink. I need to get away from these idiots before I get myself into trouble. I spoke to an O-3 the other day, an E-7 and and E-9 as if they were garbage. That is almost as ballsy as when one of my misfit E-4's responded last week to an O-6's question by sarcastically saying, "Whatever." And the Colonel was so surprised that he just gave the E-4 a dirty look and then pretended as if he didn't hear anything. The rest of my guys thought that was disrespectful, but very funny. The Colonel probably thought that the E-4 was talking to someone else. There were many people in our section but everyone knew who the E-4 was responding to. Sometimes you gotta play ignorant like Colonel Klink over here.

More news below:

I have lost my self control and I've allowed myself to become out of control, so I had enough of it and decided to take matters into my own hands. I've been off of my medication for 2 weeks. The side effects of the medication are gradually wearing off more significantly. I felt less pain while I lost control of my actions. Now I am losing control of my limbs while dealing with a larger state of pain. Everything painful is coming back, can't think well, forget things, difficulty speaking sometimes, more weak, much worse, muscle spasms becoming more violent. I'll suffer a bit and hope that a doctor can trust me, since all of my other docs have been worthless, unhelpful, piss me off, use their opinion instead of the fact and other finding which are relevant. The trust deal is the main deal. If a Doc can't trust me, I can't trust them and basically they're a waste of my time and tax payers' money. I hope my anger will go away. The Docs with their disappointment makes it worse, they make me more angry with their lack of skill.